Yesterday, I went looking for a waterfall alone in the forest.
I had never been there before, and there were several different trails, so I thought I would just follow the signs. Except I could not find a single sign that said “Waterfall this way.”
Very helpful. 😂
So I thought, fine, I’ll just follow whichever direction I feel like going. This woman had kind of lost sense of fear for a while.
Armed with a camera, I kept walking, filming nature, following the sight of water and the sound of running streams. The deeper I went into the forest, the louder the water sounded, so naturally I got excited thinking “Ah. I must be going the right way.”
Then I found a small stream and thought, surely the waterfall must be further up. So I kept going deeper into the forest. My chest started tightening. Breathing became harder.
And for quite a while, I could hear what sounded like double footsteps, as if someone else was walking behind me.
Still no waterfall.
At some point I wanted to know how much further I had to go, so I checked Google Maps.
No signal.
Not one bar.
Only the little Emergency Calls Only symbol.
Right. I decided to keep going for another ten or fifteen minutes. The trail still did not end. No map.
I had to meet the group again on time. And I still had no idea how far the waterfall actually was. So after going a little further over a rise, I finally turned back.
And reminiscing about all those movie scenes, I became so creative in setting the scenes in real life. 😂
“What if I died in this forest?” I asked myself.
Well, that would be inconvenient for the group. Nobody even knew exactly where I had wandered off to, and I had no signal to tell them.
Then I asked myself “Am I actually afraid?”
And the answer was basically: “Well… if I die here, I die here. Everyone eventually walks to their own grave. No point panicking about it now.” 😅
Then another scene opened.
“What if some random person — or something else entirely — suddenly appeared and tried to harm me?”
And again, I answered “Well, if something happens, something happens. This mind-body formation is not exactly something I can hold on to forever. Carry on, comrade.” 😂
So I carried on walking.
Eventually I was getting quite breathless, and my chest felt too tight. So, I decided “Right. Time to turn back.”
The moment I turned around, my chest felt lighter.
Interesting. 😬
A little while later I thought “Well, I am in the forest. There are trees and perhaps the tree guardians (spirits) here too.”
So I started saying out loud:
“May you all be happy.”
“May you all be healthy.”
“May you all be free from suffering.”
Every time I repeated those three lines, I felt a sudden chill at the back of my head and down my back.
It happened again and again. At least seven different times, in different places.
I do not even know whether “goosebumps” is the right word. I checked my arms and saw nothing except heat rashes.
The double footsteps carried on for a while too.
At one point, I stopped and shared merit. No particular reason. I just suddenly felt like doing it. I said that if there were any beings who could benefit from it, and if simply rejoicing in the merit could help them, then I was happy to share the merit from my Vipassana practice.
And that was basically my little courageous journey back.
Walking.
Watching things arise and pass.
Taking photos.
Filming.
Sending mettā.
Sharing merit.
Quite peaceful, really.
When I eventually met some of the group again, they said “Were you not scared going off alone like that? You did not even tell us.”
And I said “Nothing especially frightening happened. My chest just got really tight, I had no phone signal, and I had no idea how much further I would have to walk, so I turned back.”
Later, though, I revisited the experience as an observer.
Consciously, I did not feel afraid. But looking at how my body responded, I cannot deny that I was walking in a state of alert.
The body was doing the body’s work. The mind just did not keep building fear around it.
So I walked through the forest alone, took photos and videos, sent mettā, shared merit, and somehow stayed peaceful through the whole thing.
P.S. I’m writing creatively from a real, raw experience. Please don’t take this as an encouragement to wander into an unfamiliar forest alone. Safety first.